| Handelism |
Loose Translation |
| Al Green |
Al Gore |
| It's 5:24 and we have a couple more minutes until 5:25 |
A couple? On what clock? |
| I've litten matches my entire life. |
lit |
| driving copulation |
?? |
| As fast as you can click your mouth. |
mouse |
| gender pacific |
gender specific |
| Let me correct myself. Jury's jurdict. |
Jury's verdict. |
| guy commits suicide-life wasn't worth dying |
wasn't worth living |
| Andromeda Stain |
Andromeda Strain |
| Ann Frank, the girl who wrote "The Diary of Ann Frank" |
Well, who else would have written it? |
| Drop socks |
Drop outs |
| Hisganic bangs |
Hispanic gangs |
| Half-baked ass ideas |
half-baked or half-assed |
| Glad to hear you see. |
see you here |
| Baby Boob women |
Baby Boom women |
| I will be hoe. |
I will be hosting... |
| shooting champaigne |
shooting rampage |
| They all are working 46 hours a day. |
(isn't that impossible?) |
| I was a teenager in my 20's. |
that's quite an accomplishment |
| Let me put myself in my shoes. |
your shoes |
| JFK, Jr. and wife Jaqueline |
Caroline |
| botters of wattle |
bottles of water |
| Thank you. Welcome for coming aboard. |
Welcome. Thank you for coming aboard. |
| monk-fried wokfish |
wok-fried monkfish |
| They have an annual symposium every year. |
that's usually what annual means |
| We're slaughtering Slerbs in Yugoslavia. |
Serbs |
| Let's check in with Dr. Rush. |
You decide: Dr. Laura or Rush Limbaugh. |
| Three strikes, you're law! |
Three strikes, you're out! |
| KFI's the stock market that does news, traffic & weather |
KFI's the talk station that does... |
| Battle-snick dytes |
Rattlesnake bites |
| up to his ear-balls |
up to his eye-balls |
| Andrew Lloyd Wright |
Andrew Lloyd Webber |
| un-kennedy |
un-canny |
| she nicked your scissors |
she nicked your ear |
| obstrushus |
obstruction of justice |
| Corpus Crispy |
Corpus Christi |
| ulterior medicine |
alternative |
| Bill Hample. |
Handel. |
| Kids are fat potato couches. |
Poor things! |
| Bright as a tack. |
Sharp as a tack. |
| It's 8:56. We're not. |
Hmm. Time Warp? |
| Give me a gazample. |
example |
| We know exactly what we know then now, what we know then. |
We know now exactly what we knew then. |
| The alarm got off. |
went off |
| lured the girl into the breast room |
restroom (obscure Hooters reference?) |
| parental superstition |
parental supervision |
| KFI is the news station that does news, traffic and weather. |
talk station |
| It doesn't matter what the reporter is or who they come from. |
who the reporter is or where they... |
| I saw lightning hit those Joshua Trees -- you know, Yucca plants. |
Which is it, Bill? |
| B-47 |
B-52 |
| KFI does news, weather and traffic EVERY minute, every morning. |
every FEW minutes |
| Linda Strip |
Linda Tripp |
| sexual reception |
special reception |
| chashaisement |
chastisement |
| bank rabbery |
bank robbery |
| exorbidient galor |
exhorbitant valor |
| Let's go to Bill Handel... no wait, I'm Bill Handel. |
:) |
| Bill Clinton's liver |
lover |
| community surfers |
community service |
| long lover |
long lost lover |
| It's the end of the week; it's Wednesday. |
(By our calculations, it's the middle of the week.) |
| amputite |
amputate |
| a bang of thieves |
a gang of thieves |
| Meditereastern |
Mediterranean |
| I learned something more than I didn't know at all. |
(Your guess is as good as ours!) |
| the union I belong to: NAFTA |
AFTRA |
| one word: inherently evil |
count again, Bill |
| bridge under troubled waters |
bridge OVER troubled waters |
| Beverly Hillberries |
Hillbillies |
| on the blitz |
on the fritz |
| Five five teen |
5:15am |
| female screw driver |
female school bus driver |
| Israel turned 50 degrees |
50 years old |
| Drizneyland |
Disneyland |
| Martin Luther Junior King |
Martin Luther King Jr. |
| George Stevens |
George Michael |
| James Earl Red is dead. |
James Earl Ray |
| Metal Detestors |
Metal Detectors |
| Whole Fools Market |
Whole Foods Market |
| villainized |
vilified |
| Short Statue Foundation |
Stature
|
| The Nim and Teal Show |
KFI's Tim & Neil Show
|
| Admissions for Latinos and Blanks |
...blacks
|
| Turn around or we're gonna blow you |
...blow you away
|
| We'll come back and say goodbye |
If this was true, it would be a pretty short show.
|
| Mary Kaye Letourneau is going to father a child |
We sure hope not... |
| Shore Soldier |
Sore Shoulder
|
| Bruce Clinton |
Bill Clinton
|
| faulty snacks |
salty snacks |
| abominable cramping |
abdominal cramping |
| Dick Federoff |
Nick Federoff, KFI host |
| Visit our log site. |
website |
| It was the barstool's fart. |
fault |
| It took me for a loop! |
It took me by surprise + It threw me for a loop |
| It's beyond ba-blief |
It's beyond belief |
| 520 HFI in LA Orange County |
640 KFI in LA and Orange County |
| ...sorcerers say Clinton... |
...sources say Clinton... |
| Limestone Leisure Suits |
Lime Green Leisure Suits |
| Sexual Whore-Playing |
Sexual Horse Play |
| Bill Clintsky |
Bill Clinton + Monica Lewinsky = ? |
| ...wearing only a Jew-string. |
...wearing only a G-string |
| You don't eat movies the way you eat potato chips. |
Americans spend more money on potato chips than going out to movies |
| Clinton Uplate |
Clinton Update |
| A disc jockey died while riding his horse |
He means a regular jockey |
| Nobel Priest Prize |
Nobel Peace Prize |
| Stace Spation |
Space Station |
| Lastly but not leastly |
Last, but not least |
| Correct me if I'm not wrong |
Correct me if I'm wrong |
| outlangish |
outlandish |
| Beaf Lowers |
Leaf Blowers |
| Two rights don't make one wrong |
Two wrongs don't make a right |
| Nemoralizable |
Memorable |
| I wouldn't touch that with a ten inch pole |
...ten FOOT pole |
| Today, nobody really makes fat of me |
...fun of me because I'm fat. |
| I'm Bill Hamblin. |
I'm Bill Handel. |
| celebated |
celebrated |
| self-depreciating |
self-deprecating |
| how she was died |
how she died |
| I'm the Erma Bomb-wreck of radio. |
Erma Bombeck |
| Chinese is the color of mourning. |
White is the color of mourning in China |
| I couldn't have said it better my said. |
...said it better myself. |
| insisted his son get medical quelp |
...get medical help |
| Mind-boggingly |
mind-boggling |
| Sexually oriental poses |
sexually oriented... |
| No crime was broken. |
No law was broken. |
| 7 week year old kid |
7 year old kid |
| The Eiffel Tired |
Eiffel Tower |
| It's 6:55 to six. |
It's five to six. |
| Marv Albert is in various serious trouble. |
...very serious trouble. |
| Trust the people you're trusting with. |
...you're working with. |
| Don't know dork. |
(Obviously...) |
| How many people really ride massive transit? |
mass transit |
| taploids |
tampons and tabloid... combined |
| 40 olderly people |
elderly |
| Let's go to Mike Kenneth, uh, whatever his name is. |
Michael Clark? Ken Gallacher? |
| sat and fault |
fat and salt |
| Gundale Galleria |
Glendale Galleria |
| If you've just tuned aboard... |
"tuned-in" or "come aboard" |
| Mini skirt over those varicose lanes of yours |
varicose veins |
| KFI AM 640, More Stimulating Talk Magazine |
Talk Radio... RADIO! |
| I do bitch about how life complicated is. |
...how complicated life is. |
| seven fifty forty-eight |
7:48? 7:50? |
| When you go to the supermarket and they bag your clothes |
(What did you wear home, Bill?) |
| peanut butter and butter sandwich |
peanut butter and jelly... we hope. |